Do you find yourself talked down to by people as if being scolded like a child? Not just at work but even by your own family? Do you feel that you have no choice but to just accept their observations and accusations about you that you just nod your head and take in blame and fault whilst knowing that you didn’t do anything wrong?
A lot of people have been raised this way. They’ve always been made to believe that they are wrong, so this becomes their default position when dealing with people.
You then end up doubting yourself as you begin to feel the confusing mixture of anger shrouded by your sadness. You are starting to realize that you’ve been the scapegoat. You are constantly attacked in this manner (as if you alone are to blame, that you alone are wrong) and it is not an accident. It is a pattern in your life where I wish I could say stemmed from spiritual origins but that wouldn’t be accurate; for the bulk of the outcomes of your life have been your doing. This is actually good news because this also means that you can do something about it.
This is for people who are attacked, bullied, scolded and put down regularly; whether it’s in the workplace or even at their very own home, you are made to doubt yourself so you relinquish your power and authority to just give in. Of course, the outcome of these interactions seldom end in your favour. People usually benefit at your expense; hence your subtle resentments over the injustices build up into a huge monster inside you over time. The general template here is that we project the image of the meek and peaceful Christian that we appear to others as easy targets.
A lot of these well meaning people do not do anything but accept the attacks from others as if they deserve to be blamed and scolded. They then enter their cycles of self-doubt and self-blame which, of course, lead to the depletion of their self-worth and self-esteem.
Our default reaction when being attacked is to shut our mouths and accept blame (of course this doesn’t stop us from murmuring in our private time). We were raised to react this way; to think that as long as I keep quiet, this confrontation will end soon and everything will go on as usual. They retire for the day feeling heavy and unable to identify this free floating anger and anxiety inside them.
What has happened here? By listening openly to their attacks, we have allowed the other party to take charge of our identity and worth. By believing them, we have given them the opening and granted them the authority over our being. This is an unrighteous outcome, for who has the right to put blame on you and put you down? No one has charge over you except The Lord Jesus Christ. And guess what? He calls you the temple of The Holy Spirit.
It is time to end this cycle! What should I do then?
These attacks happen often; we are after all, in this world, but that is also partly because we don’t do anything about it – we allow it to. To quote one Edmund Burke: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” In short, people at the workplace, people at home, or even people in public push you around because you allow them to. Also be open to the possibility that you even invite them to. We do nothing in the hopes that things change for the better out of their own. We wait and wait for this change that will never come. For why should the world change for you if the current situation already benefits us? Make no mistake, these bullying and blaming are evil acts (Exodus 20:16). They are unrighteous and they cause severe damage to the target.
STAND UP TO YOUR BULLIES AND AGGRESSORS
A lot of Christians are conflicted regarding this as we were wrongly raised to avoid conflicts by giving in. We mistake this as “the Christian way”, which is no where near the truth. A verse commonly used to defend this pacifist stance is Matthew 5:39. “What about offering the other cheek?” People ask. We should see the context of Matthew 5 that it is all about our attitude towards revenge. Do not take revenge, says The Lord: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay” (Romans 12:19, Deuteronomy 32:35). ‘Turning the other cheek’ is not a command to be a push over or to submit to your bullies. The Bible never taught us to be push overs or to shut our mouths when we face injustice (2 Timothy 1:7).
Resist The Devil and he will flee (James 4:7). Jesus Christ Himself stood up to the bullies and the evils of this world. At times, even with the use of anger and violence (Matthew 21:12).
Jesus Christ did not let bullying nor any of these unrighteous things to occur. It is true that Jesus Christ mostly defended others and not Himself. That’s because Jesus Christ never needed defending; for who can destroy His self-esteem? Who can make Jesus Christ doubt Himself? Come to think of it, who can truly hurt The Lord Jesus? Not even the devil was successful in doing this. You and I do not have this luxury of accepting unrighteous blame and faults; it will eventually destroy us. We can no longer expect people of the world to stop and go soft on us as if they eventually will. If we don’t assert our boundaries and draw the line, the world will not stop until we are fully devoured. We have already seen what happened to Adam and Eve. Our forefathers nodded their heads and allowed evil to speak and to speak. Did the snake stop for a good laugh? Keep this in mind: The enemy will not stop. The enemy will relentlessly attack and attack until we are totally destroyed.
We proceed in this journey of learning through The Lord Jesus Christ. Knowing that the Christian life is not defined by laziness and fear but by courage and strength. Take note that The Lord Jesus stood up against injustice, He stood against evil and sin; yet He did this all in the spirit of love. Out of your love for others and God’s children, stand up against unrighteousness. Out of love and respect for yourself, stand up against your tormentors. They will not stop until you are destroyed or until they hit that brick wall which stood between the adulterous woman and her accusers. This is your your righteousness in Christ Jesus.
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